Mrs. Frona Eunice Wait,
My legs are not so very straight;
My spine, I’m sorry to observe,
Maintains a most rebellious curve;
My neck is skinny, and my bust
Would justify a husband’s trust.
But papa thinks his Mary Ann
Is built upon a gorgeous plan.
Mrs. Frona Eunice Wait,
I take the liberty to state
That Venuses would go on strike
If ordered to be all alike;
For some are made for this, and some
For that—you take ’em as they come.
But papa says: “My Mary Ann
Knocks out the whole damn caravan!”
Mrs. Frona Eunice Wait,
They think in Greaserville I’m great—
They say in Greaserville: “You bet
She’ll make them hens get up and get!
She’s just a bird!” So when I clout
Myself in cheese-cloth you look out!
For papa says: “My Mary Ann
Has win whenever she has ran.”
Mrs. Frona Eunice Wait,
I’m giving you the business straight:
Make any standards that you please
Beneath my cloth I’m just the cheese.
I care not what the artists say—
I’m in it and I’m in to stay.
For papa says: “If Mary Ann
Will advertise she’ll get a man.”
Mrs. Frona Eunice Wait,
Head Venus-herder of the State,
Round up your girls. But Frona, dear
I think it very, very queer
That you yourself do not compete.
Are you too plump or too petite?
My papa says: “Why, Mary Ann,
She’s from Beërsheba to Dan!”