All gentle folks who owe a grudge
To any living thing
Open your ears and stay your trudge
Whilst I in dudgeon sing.
The Gadfly he hath stung me sore—
O may he ne’er sting you!
But we have many a horrid bore,—
He may sting black and blue.
Has any here an old gray Mare
With three legs all her store,
O put it to her Buttocks bare
And straight she’ll run on four.
Has any here a Lawyer suit
Of 1743,
Take Lawyer’s nose and put it to ’t
And you the end will see.
Is there a Man in Parliament
Dumbfounder’d in his speech,
O let his neighbour make a rent
And put one in his breech.
O Lowther how much better thou
Hadst figur’d t’ other day
When to the folks thou mad’st a bow
And hadst no more to say.
If lucky Gadfly had but ta’en
His seat …
And put thee to a little pain
To save thee from a worse.
Better than Southey it had been,
Better than Mr. D⸺
Better than Wordsworth, too, I ween,
Better than Mr. V⸺.
Forgive me, pray, good people all,
For deviating so—
In spirit sure I had a call—
And now I on will go.
Has any here a daughter fair
Too fond of reading novels,
Too apt to fall in love with care
And charming Mister Lovels,
O put a Gadfly to that thing
She keeps so white and pert—
I mean the finger for the ring,
And it will breed a wort.
Has any here a pious spouse
Who seven times a day
Scolds as King David pray’d, to chouse
And have her holy way—
O let a Gadfly’s little sting
Persuade her sacred tongue
That noises are a common thing,
But that her bell has rung.
And as this is the summum bo-
num of all conquering,
I leave “ withouten wordes mo ”
The Gadfly’s little sting.